OK…..totally haven’t been keeping up with my blog! Sorry, I am such a slacker!!! But I have been sick with headaches for the last 3 weeks and they won’t go away. Had a lumbar puncture last week and let me just tell you…….under NO circumstances will I EVER have another one of those unless I am totally sedated! No joke! I do not have a fear of needles….never have. But the doc had to stick me 3 times beccause his needles weren’t long enough…..HELLO!!!!! Now I am experiencing something, and the only way to describe it is like back labor…..my butt cheek is killing me!!!! I need medication people……I need to know what is going on…..why can’t the doc offices call you back in a timely manner? So now I know for sure, without any doubt, that there is a brain in my head because it has continually hurt for 3 weeks….woohooo!

I have never been one to watch my mouth. But since giving birth to my children I have tried to remind myself that not only do I shame myself, but my children also. But Lord, if you don’t help me, I am going to end up doing far more than running my mouth! When did it become socially acceptable to birth children and not be responsible for their actions or their raising?!? Just curious! Seriously, in today’s society, there are children that not only curse their parents but also parents of their friends and their teachers…..Those of you who know me KNOW what would happen to one of my children if they ever disrespected an elder in such a way.

This whole middle school thing is about to send me to Moccasin Bend for a weekend of intense therapy. When is it appropriate for a 12 year old child to bully other children by telling them that “she owns” someone and to back off….meaning my son!!! Listen here chickie…..NOBODY and I mean NOBODY owns my son except the good Lord and myself and his dad! Got it???? When is it considered harrassment when someone has been told “not to make me mad, it could turn out really bad for you”? What the HECK do you mean by No Tolerance if you keep allowing this to happen? The parents will do nothing….I already know this…..very sad….this is unhealthy behavior….it’s not an isolated incident. This has been going on since September. The responsible adult says let it go but the momma in me is saying “someone needs to be held accountable” , meaning the parents that don’t correct their children! This is going past lack of parental control and rapidly turning into an obsessive, unhealthy relationship/fixation! Lord, put your hand over my mouth before I make this worse than what it already is!

Well, how is the diet going? Not so well….ok, I’m an emotional eater. I have been on a rollercoaster of emotions for the last 2 days. I went to the eye doctor Friday morning because I have been having frequent headaches. I thought that maybe I needed a new prescription since I haven’t been in like 2 years. I’m having my eyes dilated so my dear, sweet, pregnant buddy takes me. My appointment is at 9:30 and by around 11:00 I text her to make sure everything is going ok out front. I mean, come on, dilate my eyes and send me on my way. The doc seems to think there is a problem because my prescription has changed drastically so he wants pics of my retinas….OK not a problem. Pics are taken. Still a frown and wrinkles between his eyes…..he’s not happy….something’s wrong. Seems that not only am I a fat woman, but something is causing my eyeballs to be hypertensive! Seriously, my eyeballs have a blood pressure problem….I KID YOU NOT!!!! But…..this is a serious condition. Something is causing intracranial pressure inside my brain, causing cerebrospinal fluid to back up into the optic nerve making it swell. So now my friends, we have to find out if it is a tumor inside my brain or something they call a pseudotumor….not pleasant either way….all I wanted was a freaking new pair of glasses!!!!! So, I have been referred to a neuro-optometrist…huh, didn’t even know there was such a thing….just proves you learn something new every day.

So, I have not really stuck to the diet the past few days…let’s admit it and call it what it is….I’m scared….beyond scared….is it really coincidence that I was diagnosed the same day that Sierrah was diagnosed with her cancer 6 years before? Yes, this diagnosis comes on the anniversary of Sierrah’s diagnosis! I have sat in this house and have worried about things….Jeff and I need a will….we need to make pre-arrangements for our funerals so the kids don’t have to do it….the van needs an oil change….how am I going to pay for this treatment….what songs to play at my funeral service….cremation is the only option for me….Jeff better obey my wishes….Jeff and I never got the chance to renew our vows at sunset in Battery Park at the bay in Charleston…..never made it to Italy….geez!!!! I’m in some bad need for a Girls Night Out! Just the thought of the possibility of this being cancer scares me….how did Sierrah do it???? This just proves how much stronger kids are than adults….I have an appointment on the 25th so everybody just keep me in your prayers….geez….all this drama and I just wanted a new pair of glasses

Ok….I haven’t blogged in a couple of days….slacking? No, just very sick to my stomach and a headache. I’m detoxing in a way I guess.  I have found out that I can’t quit everything at once….my body is not going to allow it. If I continue with the headaches and the upset stomach, then I will become discouraged and quit. So, I am allowing myself an allotted amount of sugar. I have had NO fried foods since Sunday….wooohooo!!! So, slowly, I will get myself off the the sugars. It’s been really rough this week, I’m not going to lie. I could have been better but hey, I have an addiction and I fall off the wagon. I can accept that now…I just have to get back on.

Stress causes me to eat…well, not cause me to, I make myself eat, but it is a comfort to me. This week, I have been dealing alot with Sierrah’s eating disorder….yes, my 8 year old has been diagnosed with an eating disorder…she has become so worried about getting fat, that she won’t eat….which has now caused her gastrointestinal tract to have problems….we are hoping there’s not a blockage but right now everything we have tried isn’t working. I feel like this is partially my fault. She has seen me struggle her whole life with my weight, hearing me cry because I look so bad in my clothes or I’m ashamed when I run into someone I haven’t seen in years. She has witnessed all of this….is she ashamed of me? No, she loves me, I know this. But I think she is afraid of looking like me someday….so now, I don’t diet….I eat healthy. She is one of the biggest reasons I want to succeed this time. I don’t want her issues to be because of me….I want her to live a healthy and happy life. She should not worry about going to Dollywood and eating cotton candy….”is this fattening Momma?”….This breaks my heart! Nothing goes in her mouth that’s not good for her. Yes, that’s a good thing but not when she can’t enjoy her birthday cake for fear of the calories it holds.

So today, my goal is to get my water in, exercise, and cut back on the sugars a little….wish me luck!

So…..the first day is in the books! I did pretty good….not an angel but hey what can you expect? I am a big woman who loves her sugar…her salt…and her fried foods. I had no caffeine until late last night so that might explain some of the headache….oh yeah and no sugar until late in the evening….but the sick stomach has got to go!!! I can’t function this morning….what is up with that? I don’t have time for this. I have 3 kids and a husband to get off on there merry little way. One thing is for sure….when I get back from car duty to the elementary school, this big lump of coal is going back to bed, with Tylenol and my eye mask. I have to sleep this thing off or it is going to turn into the Headache from Hell….I will just have to work out this afternoon….that would be good from Big Daddy and me….to do this together….today is strength training….no problem in doing it tonight, right?

Ok…..I did have a little sugar yesterday..not much but a little…I had NO fried food….yay me!!!! That alone is a huge accomplishment….AND I got all my water in….so with that being said, I think yesterday was pretty successful….could it have been better? Absolutely, but I stuck with it….mostly. Today is going to be better with the hunger, since the thought of food makes my stomach churn…seriously, my eyeball on the right side feels as if it is about to pop out of the socket….blah!

Day one is in the history books…..lots of support yesterday from my girlfriends, whom are my own personal cheerleading squad. Yesterday, I wouldn’t have made it without their constant “you can do its” to “you are awesomes”. To that ladies, I want to just say how much I love and appreciate each and every one of you and every word of encouragement helped me through a very difficult day. I am ready for the challenges that today will brings so I say……BRING IT ON!!!!!

Ok friends…..here is a recipe that I just got from my program. Looks yummy

1/2 c. fresh basil

12 oz chicken breast

1 clove garlic, minced

2 TBSP olive oil

1/3 c raw onion ( I like red )

1/4 c chopped raw parsley

3 c. cooked penne pasta- whole wheat

3/4 c nonfat italian salad dressing

2 c spinach

1 c chopped tomato

coat medium skillet with cooking spray. add breast and cook until lightly browned. combine all ingredients in a large bowl, tossing well to coat

serving size-6  calories-1313  total fat-34g  sat fat-4g  chol-165 mg  sod-3574mg

total carbs-157g  dietary fiber-21g  sugars-17g  protein-98 g

I don’t know what happened last night to my entry but this stupid computer didn’t post it…said there was an error or something and didn’t even save it….that’s the story of my life! Oh well a new day has been born….some are up getting ready for church…others are sleeping in…and others are nursing hangovers. I am one of those getting ready to go to church. I need to get “prayed up” for the adventure at hand. Yes, an adventure. If I say diet, I will quit before Wednesday. Not only am I doing this here nifty blog, but I am also keeping a journal. Wow, I’m keeping myself busy.

Something in my fridge is wreaking to high heaven…..I’m not even scoping that one out. That’s a job for BIG DADDY. No, my gag reflex is set on sensative mode. Just the thought of approaching my homemade penicillin is already making me gag! Those bowls will go in the trash and the stockholders at Walmart will be glad to see me tomorrow.

Ok….so sometime today, I have to go to Walmart and buy me one of those nifty little steps like we did Step Aerobics to in the 80’s. Yeah, my workout tomorrow requires one. Ha! I will be here alone, doing my workout…..better read up on my First Aid…how to treat sprains…har har har. Someone needs to buy me one of those necklaces…”I’ve fallen and I can’t get up”. You know the ones. The only neighbor close to me is my Granny and she’s 83 and on a walker…..not much help there.

The food tomorrow is going to be somewhat of a challenge. Since I really don’t know what this diet…oops…adventure is going to require of me. Eggs…that’s an issue since I am severely allergic. Every diet has you eating eggs. Eggs, Eggs, Eggs! Why don’t they make those immitation eggs anymore? EggBeaters used to be immitation eggs back in the day. I know, I used to make myself ommlets every day. Then one day out of the blue, they are 98% real egg product….Yeah, thanks for the warning blockheads! After a trip to the ER and a severly swollen face, I realized the importance of ALWAYS reading the labels, no matter how many times I had bought something. So now, what does one do when they have a food allergy?

So, as I close my blog, I ask that each one of you send up a prayer and a “Hail Mary” for me as I start one of the hardest challenges of my life. I did not end up this way overnight but I sure know it’s going to be harder to get it off than it was to put it on….and hopefully it will be a fun process with all of my friends rooting me on and supporting me. I have an unbelieveable support system in the girls that I have to share my company. They each have a story…a success story and I love each one of them like they were my own sister. Soooo……bring it on!!!!